The Girl has just started to read, and couldn't be more proud of her new skills. Nor could I, though I have now realised that jumping three feet in the air and screeching 'YOU'RE A FRIGGING GENIUS!' every time she gets a word right might not be the best approach . . .
However, being able to read has been causing me a few problems on Melbourne's public transport as The Girl points to every piece of graffiti and attempts to sound it out.
'P . . . O . . . U . . . F . . . POUF . . . POUF! Hey that says POUF, what's a POUF, Mum?'
'Sshh, you have to whisper on the tram.'
'No, you have to whisper in the library, not the tram. WHAT'S A POUF?'
'Ah look! a bird! out the window! - see?'
'Nah. Anyway I'm reading this word now. C . . . U . . . N . . . . . .
And thus it continued, so I have decided that I must either:
(a) blindfold her on public transport,
(b) gag her on public transport,
(c) teach her every rude word there is, and then tell her if she ever says them out loud in a public place all her hair will fall out and witches will come in the night to steal her teeth,
(d) carry a big marker pen with me and edit all graffiti into acceptable language.
10 comments:
Ooh, edit, edit, edit! Definitely. I can see that, if you did enough, you could be featured in a TV news special or something.
Have you read Jon Ronson's article on a similar theme? His son asks him what the rudest word is and he says LIMONE, a word randomly chosen because he sees an empty bottle with the word on. On and on it goes, this article, but it is hilarious. You would probably enjoy his collection of articles he wrote for The Guardian - What I Do. He is a very funny man and his writing style has a lot in common with yours!
Jem
I think the jumping in the air etc is a great approach, actually. I'd keep on with that . . . :)
poppy x
Nik, don't encourage me!
Jem, if you look down at the bottom of my links you'll see that under LOVING FROM AFAR I have Jon Ronson's site. I love him.
Poppy, don't you encourage me either! :)
Oh! I didn't see that. But it makes sense you love him as I love him too and I love your blog! I saw him when he came to Cambridge and he told the story of being in a restaurant with his wife and slurping his soup. You know, when he thinks the young girl is mocking him and he does the slurping thing on his way to the loo. Only it doesn't look he's slurping. We were all on the floor laughing!
Jem
my little girl things that 'cheesy peeps' is the worse swearword that there is. She sounds hilarious when she curses at me.
I have found my way here via Emma Darwin's blog and I am glad I have. Haven't laughed so much at a blog in ages, you've such a wonderful turn of phrase.
I have a daughter on the verge of reading and will be avoiding all public places with her now till she is 21!
What a lovely, and well-timed, comment - thank you, I needed that!
We saw a foreign film the other day and a kid sitting behind us did this all the way through it, often botching the harder-to-read subtitles. I was torn between thinking it was cute and wanting to turn around and belt him.
It would only have been cute if the kid had been yours, surely...and even then only the once.
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