Leave It To The Professionals

I am the proud owner of a new haircut, my first in 18 months. I was scared to go in case Paolo gave me a speech about neglecting myself and did that awful picking-up of rat-tailed clumps with a disgusted look on his face, or smoothing it down from the roots to expose my unsightly regrowth. But there was none of that. The only time I was told off was when I asked for advice:

Me: What do you think I should do about the colour, Paolo?

Paolo (with beautiful accent): Well-a, for a start-a, next-a time-a, don't-a do it at home-a. Leave-a it to me.

I deserved that, as anyone who has witnessed what taking peroxide off too soon can testify. We can all have a go at our own hair, but that does not make us all hairdressers, which leads me to a point you may have missed in the comments below 'Small, Sharp Objects'. My good friend Ross posted a link to an old but still very much relevant article on celebrities writing children's books: Critics, authors chafe as more celebrities join ranks of children's authors . Of particular interest - in the sense that it made me want to dig out my old 'La Isla Bonita' 12" and stamp on it - was this passage, about Madonna's reasons for doing us all the massive favour of branching out into writing:

In her typical fashion, Madonna ignited a storm of controversy last year when she explained her reasons for becoming an author.

"I'm starting to read to my son," said the Material Girl, once famed for her sexual escapades and pointy bras. "But I couldn't believe how vapid and vacant and empty all the stories were. There's, like, no lessons. ... There's, like, no books about anything."

There's, like, so much I could say to the woman who 'gave us' Shanghai Surprise and The Next Best Thing, not to mention more vapid songs than you can shake your pointy breasts at. But as I'm pushed for time and you no doubt are, too, I shall limit it to this:

Madonna, love, leave it to the professionals.

Particularly on-the-ball readers of this blog may have noticed that this is the second draft of this post.